Heart

Bleeding heart

Gam lang jai - will-power, spirit

Over the past few days, the words of Sargent Shriver, Peace Corps's founding director, have been popping up on Facebook, emails, and in conversations.  I'm not sure why, possibly as we swiftly passed the milestone of a year in country, my group is starting to look around, taking note, wondering what the heck we're doing, and what, if anything, we've accomplished.  For me specifically this has been depressing. It's difficult to look back at the past year and not see a lot of tangible accomplishments.  Often, I feel like a complete failure.

Eat your heart out

Jai Rown - "hot heart," hot headed

Thus, I spent the majority of the weekend, and the beginning of the week for that matter, gorging myself on sam paan (homemade mango fruit roll-ups) and being particularly and ridiculously negative. Both of these activities eventually made me feel ill as well as ashamed of myself.  And I still had two kilos of the dried mango left.

So, I did what any good PCV would do, I forced myself to read Sargent's words over and over again until I remembered why I joined PC and figured out how I was going to be happy doing it.  Or at least that's what I'd like you to believe.

What I actually did was download and try a bunch of pilates and yoga videos.  This led to a cup of coffee, Skyping with family, and daydreams of locking my door and not coming out of my house until I had finished the mangoes.   

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. 

Chuen jai - cheered up

But while Skyping with my sister I received a call from my counterpart.  "Where are you?  Please come to the office!  We miss you!" I started to feel better.  So, mangoes in tow, I biked to the office. 

In Thai culture, it's very common to bring fruit or snacks to share with friends.  Actually, it's kind of expected.  Everyone shares.  Everyone participates.  And everyone eats.  Well aware of this custom, I happily presented the two bags of mango fruit roll-ups to everyone.  "I love these so much, but I want to share with everyone!  They are so delicious," I said.  And so we ate.  Together. 

As the snacking and conversation went on, it was casually mentioned that some of the villagers make the mango fruit roll-ups and that they are much more delicious than the ones I brought in today.  "Good!" I said.  "Then someone can show me how to make them." 

And just like that I had an appointment for this evening at 5 p.m.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Nam jai - "heart water" making sacrifices for friends, showing much hospitality toward strangers

I had not been to my host family's house in a long, long time.  Months actually.  I was nervous about going.  But I was also excited.  They make sam paan and were very excited to show me how to do it.  When I rode my bike up to the house I knew it was going to be a good evening.  The dogs recognized me and didn't bite me, my 7-year-old host sister didn't hide, and my host mom came running down the stairs screaming my name and asking if I could sleep at their house tonight.  I immediately felt guilty. Why hadn't I come by sooner?  What on earth am I so afraid of? 

We spent the better part of the evening eating, talking, and of course, making mango fruit roll-ups, which is surprisingly easy.  10 mangoes peeled and smashed, boil with a pinch of salt and stir for 5 minutes, spoon onto plastic wrap like you would a pancake and put out in the sun to dry for two days. But what was wonderful was the atmosphere, so warm and welcoming. 

To my heart's content 

Sa bai jai - happy, contented

As dusk descended upon my Thai village, I began the short but hot 3 kilometer journey back to my apartment.  The air was filled with smells of fresh curry being fixed for this evening's dinner, the threat of rain, and a million Thai hellos.  I was suddenly struck with how wonderful and beautiful all of this is and how welcome I feel in this village.  Rain looming and angry packs of dogs nipping at my heels, I forced myself to slow down, take it all in, and to feel the happiness that was rapidly washing over me. 

A man after my own heart

Hua jai - the human heart, mind, feelings, essence

"He goes to a foreign country to work within that country's system; he helps fill their needs as they see them; he speaks their language; he lives in the way they live and under their laws; he does not try to change their religion; he does not seek to make a profit from conducting business in their country; he does not interfere in their religious, political, or military affairs. And because of this he has been welcomed where others have been turned away." - Sgt. Shriver