The things I've done today

Today was "Thai Day" and we celebrated with a cultural exchange between the trainees and the staff.  Because of this, I am in a really good mood today and excited am to have a cultural exhange with you all back in the States.  I'll share 10 things I've done today that maybe you didn't get to do and you can respond with 10 things I didn't get to do, like "eat chocolate chip cookies" or "go to a movie."  It will make me miss you... and chocolate chip cookies.  But it helps me to accomplish 1 of my 3 goals as a PCV: to share Thai culture with Americans! 

1) showered with a gecko on the wall

2) drank coconut milk with breakfast instead of coffee

3) sprayed myself with a butt sprayer - no toilet paper in Thai bathrooms.  Fun times.

4) used toilet paper for a napkin at dinner because the dinner table is where the toilet paper can ALWAYS be found

5) used sunscreen and mosquito spray

6) played the Thai version of Duck Duck Goose with 52 Americans and 20 Thais - which means throwing a rag at the "goose" instead of touching their head. One doesn't touch heads in Thailand :)

7) rode my bike down a highway while being passed by semi trucks hauling sugar cane and dozens of motorbikes

8) skyped with my boyfriend from a rice paddy

9) danced to "Barbie Girl," "Cotton-Eye Joe," and the "Cupid Shuffle" with my coworkers

10) walked around barefoot at work - because I'm not allowed to wear shoes.  It's mai riap roi!

Overall it was a lovely day.  I'm missing everyone in the States, but it's nice to live in another country sometimes.  Thai Day made me appreciate home, but it made me appreciate Thailand, too.  I'm very lucky to have been assigned to a country with wireless internet, electricity, amazing food, people, and traditions.  I'm also very lucky to have quite possibly the best in-country staff that Peace Corps provides.  I love my Ajaans!! 

Farang on a motorcy

So, my friend JB is doing something amazing and live blogging/typing each episode of this season's Biggest Loser (BL).  A group of us used to watch BL together every Tuesday, "Fat Tuesday" if you will, and knowing I was going to miss the newest season, which started Jan 3, this was his going away gift to me.  So far, I have highly enjoyed the 3 emails he has sent and I deepy look forward to this little link to home.  But this week, when the prize for winning the challenge was letters/videos from home, I for the first time understood why everyone on BL gets super emotional and cries like babies when they get to hear from their family - whom they have only been away from for a few weeks at this point. 

I'm just two weeks into my Thailand experience and the BEST part of my day is BY FAR emails, facebook posts/messages, and skype chats from home.  (Props to my bf Bobby for making time for me every day to Skype.  You rock!!)  If someone were to take these daily emails and messages away from me, I might not be able to cope with being so far away.  Dear BL contestants:  I understand now why a letter from home is considered one of the most valuable prizes and why you bust your poor, exhausted bums to jump through hoops, drag pails of water through sand traps, or hang on to hooks for as long as possible before dropping into a pool.  I'm so sorry for having made fun of you and your overly emotional reactions to seeing your family in a pre-taped message.  Please forgive me!   Especially forgive me because I am not fat, nor am I forced to work out 12 hours a day; I'm in a beautiful, tropical country being loved by my Thai family, consoled by my American counterparts and eating myself silly and I'm still homesick!!

Anyway...

Today we took a four hour bike ride around our village (with our language learning group) pointing out important places, community leaders, and visiting each of our homestays.  I learned that the restaurant at my homestay is called Teacher Steak Restaurant.  If you haven't already guessed, that's because the restaurant serves steak and my mee (mom), who runs the restaurant, is also a teacher. 

Aside from the heat - and how grumpy I was from the heat - I really enjoyed today. So far, I have figured out that I am happiest here when I'm riding my bike.  I'm hot and sweaty and a little scared about being hit by a semi-truck hauling sugar cane, but I'm alone.  ALONE.  Alone and thinking, seeing, smelling, and taking in all that is around me.  It's kind of my only time to actually process what is going on here and what I've done with my life by moving here.  They weren't kidding when they said we'd be experiencing life as if in a fishbowl.

Tomorrow my family is taking me to Monkey Land.  Stay tuned.

PS: I was not on a motorcy (a motorbike) but I did see a white guy (farang) on one.  We both did a double take when we saw each other.

Disclaimer - I'm exhausted but realized I haven't posted in my blog yet - even though I promised you all I would.  So, here is a rough outline of what's going on so far.  Excuse the typos, run on sentences and ideas that might go nowhere, please.

I've completed week one of my Peace Corps training and we're already into week two.  On one hand I feel like time is flying by.  I've already forged great friendships, learned a little bit of Thai, moved in with a Thai family, and am riding my bike on my own throughout the city.  Oh, and I can change a flat tire in the middle of a rice paddy, covered in mosquitoes when it's 8000 degrees outside -all while in a skirt!  Not all of that's true.  I'm not allowed to wear skirts when biking :). 

My homestay is an incredible experience.  Those of you who think I'm a picky eater would be both amused and proud to see what I've accomplished (and eaten) over the past few days.  I can't tell you what I've eaten because I'm not sure what it was, but I did it.  And I liked it!  Right now I'm eating what I believe to be dried starfruit.  It's "arroi" - which means delicious in Thai.   My family is pretty awesome.  I've posted a picture of them on facebook if you want to see them.  My family loves photos.  When they picked me up from the hotel on Sunday they took pictures.  When they dropped me off at my classes yesterday they took pictures.  When I got home from my "first day of school" my host Mee (mom) and prounounced like "May" gave me a scrapbook she had already put together about our first day adventures.  I would look just like a frightened kindergartener on the first day of school with my backpack, bike helmet and new outfit except I'm drenched in sweat from the bike ride and already look exhausted and confused. 

As you might know from facebook, my grandmother passed away this week.  This has been an extremely hard thing for me to process.  Coupled with culture shock, knowing I won't be home for at least a year, jet lag, and just adjusting to having a full day after being unemployed for three months, losing my grandmother was a pretty rough blow - even if I knew it was coming.  The good news is that I think she would be proud of me for being just as strong and independent as she is, and that I've made some good friends in my group (something I was very scared wasn't going to happen when I arrived in Detroit and met everyone) and they stepped up with shoulders to lean on.  It's nice to be able to share these emotions with people who get it.  I love my friends and family back in the States, but there is something magical about being able to talk to other PC trainees and how all of these emotions are unspoken but shared.

Alright, that's enough for now. I don't really have any funny or embarrassing stories yet - Sorry!  Well, unless you count the first night when my host family told me I needed to shower then made me change in the living room (but it wasn't that bad - only women and the Thais wear a cloth cover called a Pasin [pah-seen] when they shower.  I was unsure about the Pasin at first, but it's quickly become my very best friend.) Culture shock - but in a good way! 

Be calm. Be brave. It will be okay.

One week from today, I leave for Thailand to begin what I hope will be one of the greatest experiences of my life.  I'm scared.  I'm nervous.  I'm thrilled.  I'm excited.  And I'm a mushy, emotional mess.

I managed to spend the entirety of 2011 navigating the application process, nomination, placement, and invitation for a position in the United States Peace Corps.  In that time, I've also managed to survive excruciating family traumas, the loss of a job and an identity, and, luckily, the realization and acceptance of just how much love and happiness I have in my life.

Over the past few weeks I've taken a lot of time to reflect upon the life I'll be putting on hold for the next two years. I've found it's easy to find and focus on the good when I begin to think about everything and everyone I'm going to miss.  I've noticed it's become effortless to love freely and openly since I have stopped fearing the consequences.  And, I've realized that I'm finally living my life in a way I have always wanted.

Right now, at this exact moment, I'm a little scared about missing too much the things and people I feel like I'm leaving behind.  I've had some pretty cold feet this week.  Moving 10,000 miles away is so much scarier than I thought it would be.  But, I continue to hope and feel this is the right decision for me.  I know I will change and I hope that when I do, it's only for the better.  I hope that I get to live in my own little Thai house with (very few) bugs and snakes.  I hope that everyone is nice to me.  I hope I stop being scared of fish. I hope I learn how to cook.  I hope I laugh more than I cry.  I hope I get to eat weird things.  I hope I can teach someone something they wouldn't have learned otherwise.  I hope for the ability to change at least one person's life that isn't my own. I hope I'm challenged but not broken.  I hope that I'm just as sad to leave Thailand in two years as I am to leave my home right now.  I hope that all of the people I am so sad to leave this week will be excited to see me when I come home.  (And I really hope they come to visit.)  And most of all, I hope my dog doesn't hate me for abandoning him for two years.  I'm feeling particularly guilty about that one. 

I'm proud of myself for committing to this assignment and following a life long dream; for being brave and doing something even though it's a little scary.  I'm grateful to have the opportunity to live and work in a foreign country with the goals and hopes of making the world a better, happier place.  I'm so thankful to those in my life who have been beyond supportive and uplifting during this part of my journey.  And I'm thankful to those who have not, as they have only strengthened my desire to color outside of the lines. 

In the end, I have no idea what will actually come to be, but whatever it is, I have a feeling it's going to be grand.